Coffee Talk: Keeping Your True Identity

keeping your true identity, vancity, vancouver, bc, british columbia, canada

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post for my Coffee Talk series. Since it’s a new year, I’m still trying to figure out what changes I need to make to my blog, whether I need to add new types of content or discontinue some things. Right now I’m in the midst of brainstorming different ideas so please bear with me. 🙂

Today I want to sit down and candidly write down some thoughts about a certain issue: keeping your identity. So what exactly does this mean? Well, as women, we juggle so many different roles. These roles can vary from being a spouse, mom, daughter, friend, sister, etc. Some of these roles intertwine with one another, while some are completely different. Sometimes people feel they are held accountable to live up to every role that they end up losing their own identity at the same time.

keeping your true identity, vancity, vancouver, bc, british columbia, canada

For some reason, I feel that women tend to have more pressure to live up to these roles and receive more criticism than men when they aren’t able to fulfill others’ expectations. I know this feeling all too well, especially as a mom which I discussed here and here. Women are such multitaskers and often times we’re expected to be perfect and the best at everything. Well, news flash! We’re not perfect, nor do we have to be.

Being a mom is a very huge role for me but it doesn’t take over my whole identity. I know that once some women become mothers, they give up so much of themselves and feel guilty when they try to make time for themselves. I see it all the time. These are the same women that are shocked that I actually do things for myself and don’t spend my days hovering over my son to make sure he’s taken care of. He will be fine even if he’s not glued to me all day, and I will be fine if I allow myself to be more than just a mom.

I have another example for those of you who aren’t mothers. I once was friends with someone who was extremely needy and always wanted me to drop everything to tend to her needs. Her “problems” were so constant that it seem like I was taking care of her more than myself. In a way, I felt like I lost myself and my identity. Not only that, but she started taking her problems out on me and it just reached a point where our friendship became toxic. Why was I bending over backwards for this person so much when she didn’t appreciate me? Why wasn’t I using that same energy to take care of myself? These were questions that I asked myself many times before cutting ties with her. As I mentioned earlier, women are always pressured to be the best of everything, including being the greatest friend. However, great friends do not force you to lose yourself and forget how important you are. Sometimes, completely losing connection with someone is the best thing you can do for yourself.

keeping your true identity, vancity, vancouver, bc, british columbia, canada

I hope you recognize your high value and self-worth. Don’t feel bad if you put yourself first sometimes. It’s not selfish, it just means you care about your well being. Besides, when you’re doing well, you can take better care of yourself and the people around you, and best of all you are more pleasant to be around. 🙂

Let me know if you have any thoughts about this subject! I would love to hear your stories or learn more about how you can relate. 🙂


  1. February 20, 2017 / 9:01 AM

    It’s easy to lose your identity when you become a mother. That’s why “me-time” is so important for moms. Thank you for sharing this important topic on your blog!

    • Polly
      March 2, 2017 / 10:07 PM

      Yes, “me time” is definitely a must for me!

    • Polly
      March 2, 2017 / 10:09 PM

      Thank you for visiting, Ariana!

  2. Hadasah Love (Style to Love)
    February 20, 2017 / 1:50 PM

    “As always so stylish, really loving your style!!!!

    “Greetings xxx

    Hadasah Love ||

  3. February 21, 2017 / 12:15 AM

    At Honey and Fox, we are strong advocates of staying true to who you are. You create your happiness. Worrying about what other people think of you will wear you down and leave you with little energy to enjoy the happiness you created.

    • Polly
      March 2, 2017 / 10:10 PM

      I completely agree! I’m glad we have the same vision! 🙂

  4. February 21, 2017 / 4:44 AM

    Such an amazing post, Polly! I know many people who have lost their identities as mothers, wives, etc. when that shouldn’t define them.

    • Polly
      March 2, 2017 / 10:10 PM

      That’s so true! Thanks, Marissa!

  5. Leah
    February 22, 2017 / 12:48 AM

    It’s like they say on airplanes… you need to put your own life mask on first before you help others. If you don’t take care of yourself and dedicate time, then you can’t be there for anyone else. You always come first!
    xx Leah

    • Polly
      March 2, 2017 / 10:11 PM

      That is such a great analogy, Leah! Thank you!

    • Polly
      March 2, 2017 / 10:12 PM

      Thank you so much for dropping by, Adriana!

  6. February 28, 2017 / 8:30 AM

    I’m learning this lesson lately, too. I’m not a mother, but I found myself in a cycle of thinking I had to be the perfect everything to everyone – work, my boyfriend, my family, my friends. Until finally I couldn’t do it anymore. It’s an impossible task. It’s so, so important that we focus on self-care. Otherwise we will lose our identity and that doesn’t serve anyone at all. Good luck on your journey!

    • Polly
      March 2, 2017 / 10:13 PM

      I hope you will be able to find a balance- it’s so tough!! Thank you for visiting, Brittany!

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